The Hands Hold the Key

            “C-O-K-E, that’s right sweetheart.” Jessica slowly formed the letters with her hand as she slid the can across the table to Ben. His signing had really improved over the past year, but he still struggled sometimes. When he got sick, she never anticipated that something like this would happen. She knew as his mother that it was now her responsibility to give him as normal a life as possible, but if the judge didn’t rule in her favor this afternoon, she wouldn’t be able to protect him anymore. If Ben went to live with Chris, his life would change in more ways than one, forever.

            She thought back to when she first got pregnant. Chris was so excited that he had this goofy grin plastered on his face for a solid week. He started looking at houses and planning for their future together, and Jessica thought she could see her life slowly unfolding before her. Jessica, however, handled Ben’s handicap better than Chris did. While Jessica took night classes in sign language and read parenting books, Chris got angry, frustrated with Ben. He would come stumbling in, knocking things over before bitterly saying, “Oh whatever, it’s not like he can hear me anyways.”

            Focusing back on Ben, she silently thanked the restaurant for giving her the day off. She wanted to spend as much time as possible with him today in case the hearing didn’t go well. She knew Chris would try to use her job against her, claiming it wasn’t stable enough for Ben, that he could provide him a better life. Sure, the restaurant didn’t pay much, but everyone there loved her son like a family, and he needed that now more than ever. No matter what Chris gave him, it wouldn’t replace the lack of trust between them, a scar so deep that it could never be repaired. Once was all it took, and even though he swore it would never happen again, she swore she would never let him lay a hand on her son again.

            As they made their way up the courthouse steps, she gripped Ben’s hand just a little bit tighter. “Surely they wouldn’t take a child away from its mother,” she quietly thought to herself. “Ben needs me.” She walked through the empty hall, the only sound coming from Ben’s Spiderman sneakers squeaking on the marble floors. As she pushed the large wooden doors open, she saw him. Rage instantly swelled up inside her as she took her seat across the aisle, the memory of that night still fresh in her mind. He looked tired and impatient, tapping his expensive Italian shoes on the floor. Disgusted by his presence, Jessica turned to Ben in the seat beside her. “I want Coke,” he slowly signed to her. “In a little while baby,” she mouthed, making sure he focused on her lips.

“All rise for the honorable Judge Lewis,” the bailiff bellowed. As Jessica rose from her seat, she glanced over at Chris. There was no way she would let him take Ben away from her. She couldn’t.